He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
