He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
