Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
