For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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