Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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