if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
