just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
