Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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