Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
