just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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