What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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