spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
