If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
