dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
