it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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