just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it was like his penis was on wheels.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This is my gift to your gina
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
