What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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