Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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