she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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