remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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