And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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