STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
