They should really pass out barf bags in church
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
