Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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