love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
