I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
