Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
