blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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