I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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