Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
