you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
