I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
