Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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