pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
no, he came in my armpit
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
