I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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