you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
the raccoons are back...
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