isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
