I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
