Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
