So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
