i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
