Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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