I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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