dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
