oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
