I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My vagina is officially offended.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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