My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
