Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
