need another drink. this is the easiest way
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
