next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
