We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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